My Inspiration is Lost in the Void

They say writers should look for constant inspiration, but the last time I wrote furiously was three years ago.

Images courtesy of Cosmos

From 2020 to 2022 I wrote the most I’ve ever written before. I believe the story ideas come close to ten, and the finished (terrible first draft) screenplays come up to 5. It’s a good number. It’s only a good number because Melbourne was in back to back lockdowns and I was out of work, so I had no choice but to sit, and write.

However, when 2022 came around, I wrote one new idea in the middle of the year, and that’s it.

I mean it when I say I had no ideas. I’m not talking about blogs, I’m talking about screenplays. For the last few years, I’ve been peddling the same ideas I wrote years ago. Those ideas are good, but they’re outdated, they don’t suit me right now.

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It’s not for a lack of trying, I promise. I read a book, I’m sure every writer has heard of it, ‘The Artists Way’ by Julia Cameron. It says it’ll sort out all your artistic woes and make you a bonafide inspired writer.

I tried everything it said to do for pretty much all of 2024. I did the morning pages, I took myself on artists dates and walks (with my dog). My little artists dates included an art class and then an art history class, and then I was too broke for any more classes so I did free online classes, and that was just lonely at home on my own, so I went back to the morning pages, and walks. Until my feet were sore.

Here’s what I learnt: I can’t force inspiration, and I have none (right now).

Lacking inspiration isn’t like writers block. Writers block is when you have the idea, the bare bones and all you need to do is write, or write yourself out of a corner, or be brave enough to delete something.

Inspiration is when lightning strikes, an idea hits you and you just have to write it, and write it furiously, with oodles of coffee and staying up too late with terrible reality TV playing in the background.

So where did my inspiration go?

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Ladies, gentlemen and writers, my inspiration disappeared into the void.

You know the void, the void is where all hopeless and bitter artists come from, its where the fear of being broke, the fear of messing up goes and the failures live on. Whenever you have self doubt as an artist, the void calls.

My void is abundant, and somewhere deep inside it is my inspiration.

My void is large for many reasons, I’m not born to wealthy parents, I hold myself to terribly high standards, I’m not particularly lucky, and I try and fail a lot. I’ve no doubt one day these failures will amount to something, but right now, it’s just led to a large void.

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At first, I thought I traded my inspiration for security.

I know there are writers out there who hold down full time jobs, have families and still manage to write. They have inspiration and security. Many writers here on Substack have it too.

So, maybe I didn’t trade in one for the other. Maybe I’m just telling myself that my pay check is worth more than my ideas, so I should sleep on time, and not write furiously. But isn’t that just being healthy?

My second thought was that the world has taken all my inspiration. All the world news being depressing, the strikes in Hollywood, followed by fires in Hollywood, the feeling that the industry has no place for me, but isn’t that just me being sorry for myself?

You can see why I’m so confused.

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People come to Substack for many reasons. I came to be seen.

Every since I started in this industry, I’ve been told by many people, in many fonts, that it’s indulgent to want to be seen, to put yourself out there, especially when you’re not backed by the top agents or producers, you are nothing.

Even when I did get a great agent, and booked some gigs, and made it into writers rooms, I was still not seen. I was so often told that I looked well educated, why did I pick this industry?

It’s because I wanted to. And after reading many articles and biographies, I discovered that without being seen at the beginning, you will never find the top agents or producers, and they’ll never find you.

After all these years, I finally got fed up of someone telling me ‘you seem to work from the shadows’. Like I’m a ninja because I’m not the loudest or most pushy in the room.

But the interesting thing is, when you aren’t loud or pushy, and you just give it an authentic try, you can be seen. That’s what this blog proves. This little blog, this little piece of writing every week is to dive into the void, get my inspiration and drag it out.

It’s not a resolution, or a goal for this year, but it’s a little dream I have, so bear with me.

I want to wake up in the morning like there’s a fire up my ass. I want a reason to get up, and sit at my desk, even if its a little lonely to work from home, and occasionally I want to work from a cafe like an important person, and be on set to make fun things.

I want to have some fire in me again, and you are all helping re-ignite it.

Thank you.x