How I Avoid Becoming The Bitter Artist

The arts are a breeding ground of ideas, talent, hard work and bitterness.

Courtesy of Cosmos

Somewhere in the countryside, there was an advertisement shoot happening. On a beach stood three actors. All sharing a scene. One was just here for the ride, the other was really glad to have booked something, and the third was bitter.

At first the bitter one’s energy didn’t matter, the other two made up for it. This is how it goes, on and off for ten hours, until the other two run out of caffeine and willpower. They suddenly don’t want to speak to her anymore, her bitterness increases somehow, and now it’s impossible. The directors tell the three actors they’ll try again tomorrow.

Two are relieved, one is inexplicably dour.

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I was one of the two. I made friends with the other, the third I hope I never see again. I will forever remember her as the bitter one. We were tired, cold, and trying to have fun with our jobs, and she would constantly say things like ‘there’s no point, none of us will book anything else this year’ or ‘why bother, they don’t remember us once we’re gone?’ and ‘we’re just human props’.

She was too far into the void, as I like to call it. It’s a place creatives go to dwell after bitterness and anger have set in.

So after a little discussion with some fellow artists, some advice and good old fashioned experience, here’s how I believe you can avoid becoming the bitter artist and avoid the void.

1. The World Owes Your Talent Nothing

I believe that if you’re a good person, the world will reward you in some way. But the same does not go for talent. You can be the most talented writer, actor, director, poet in the world, but nobody owes your talent anything. Because a lot of people are talented.

This is not fair, of course, but in my experience talent alone is not enough. You need the integrity, discipline, drive and personality to make it. This is where the bitterness sets in. You know your work is good, but you forget that people have to work with you as a person as well. So go further than just your talent, it’ll help.

2. You Can’t Compare To The Lucky

They say ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ and they’re almost always right. The worst is when you start comparing yourself to the lucky people in the world. I am referring to the nepo babies, the wealthy kids, the ones with a safety blanket, had an inheritance, connections, all the things you (and I) don’t have.

I like to think of people as having different journeys. The lucky ones are blessed, and not everyone can be. So I ignore them, I let them carry on with their journeys and try not to fixate on how unfair the world is.

3. It Really Is The Damn Phone

It’s a natural part of working in any industry to do some networking. In today’s social media age, most of our networks are on our phone. Then you constantly have your phone on you, and you’re constantly scrolling and suddenly everyone’s lives are better than yours. Especially people you don’t really like, but you have to put up with.

Now life feels even more unfair. The wankers are getting ahead and you’re suddenly feeling behind, and not good enough. Add to the fact that you’re probably scrolling to escape from how unhappy you are with your environment, and then you start seeing too much success online, it makes you feel like its not even worth trying anymore. It’s like a downward spiral to hell.

So let’s all get in the habit of leaving our phones in the other room periodically.

4. It’s Not Personal (Often)

Okay, so sometimes people are mean and they reject you because they don’t like your face. But most of the time, it’s got nothing to do with you. If you’re an actor, you may not have gotten the role because you were taller than the male lead and he has an ego. If you’re a novelist, your novel was probably rejected because an assistant had read too much of that particular genre that month.

It’s not you, and that sucks because you put so much hard work in, it should be personal, right? Unfortunately, people don’t spend as much time thinking about us as we spend thinking about ourselves, so it’s not you, let it go. Your time will come.

5. Don’t Be Obsessed

I don’t believe it’s a good thing to be obsessed with your art form. Don’t get me wrong, I understand, I love what I do more than anything, so if you let me i’d talk about it and make it my whole personality, but that’s not healthy.

If you put all of your values, your achievements and personality into one art form, you will find that you take every rejection and criticism to your soul. Instead, consider diversifying. Lots of actors are interested in writing (like me), lots of authors like sketching, some people like pottery and painting (they go well together), some people like reading and art galleries.

What i’m saying is that you should have hobbies, ones that have little to nothing to do with your career, and this will give you something to do that’s different and varied and will give you a break from he daily slog. It will also help remind you that although this is your passion, and your career…it’s also still work.

6. Have a Great Support System

No man is an island, and no artist can do it alone. The more you isolate yourself, the harder it gets to exist in the world. Why? Because humans are communal beings, we like having other people around, maybe not every day, but often. So take some time to find your tribe. When you go to that next networking event, hang out at the food table and make conversation about how dry the crackers are.

A handful of good people (or even one) can be the difference better longevity in your career and sinking fast. The better this support system is, the easier life gets. This is because good people are always rooting for you, even if you can’t see them, even if you’re too busy to get together every month. They send the messages to ask how you are, they listen to you rant over the phone. It’s the best feeling ever.

7. Bitterness Begets Bitterness

I don’t know if it’s because we have a certain vibe to us, or if we’re out there vibrating at a certain energy, but we attract people who have similar energies to us, naturally. This is why you get mad at the bubbly girl, with her happy friends. This is why two introverts in a room feel like a warm slow hug sometimes. This is why bitterness begets more bitterness.

If you’re starting to feel bitter, you’ll attract other bitter people. Then you create an echo chamber of bitterness. The energy just feeds off itself like an ouroboros eating its own tail. You just get stuck there.

Sometimes I can get together with my friends and we both feel bitter, it happens. But if you employ some of the above steps, you may be able to pivot the conversation to ‘that pottery class I took, it sucked’ and laugh about it, because you have hobbies. Or maybe you remember that rejection letter sounded like the editor was dead inside ‘poor thing must have read 45 manuscripts that day’ and there you have it. Bitterness dissipating.

8. You Can Choose Change

I wonder why people get stuck sometimes. Maybe it’s because no one ever told them that it’s never too late to dig themselves out. Even if you’re the most bitter person on earth, with enough effort you can chip away at that and slowly move towards being more content.

My parents constantly tell me ‘we’re too old to change’, they use this as code for ‘i’m stuck in my ways and I don’t want to change, even if it hurts me and everyone around me.’ This (apologies for my language) is bullshit. We are evolving beings, we never stop changing. So feel free, at any time to just change, unapologetically. Especially if you know its for the better. Other people may not be able to see it, especially if you’ve surrounded yourself with other bitter people, but just maybe you’ll inspire them to change too.

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I can’t lie, after almost a decade in the industry, the bitterness is always close by.

You realise that people put structural barriers in place to prevent you from getting ahead without playing the game they made, you need three part time jobs, and you’re anxious about money all the time. You feel behind, badly prepared, unwanted.

But overtime the bitterness became very obvious, and when I saw it coming, I tried to avoid the best I can, so I can keep some semblance of myself intact.

I hope all the creatives reading this are keeping the bitterness away too.x

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Recommended Reading:

A piece about losing my inspiration to the void where bitter artists live.

My literary idol Hercule Poirot and why I love him so much.

When someone tells you it’s a time of bad karma, does it make it better or worse?