Filling Voids With More Voids
You can't fix one issue with a different issue, then you just have more issues.
Dear Reader,
2023-2025 were probably the roughest years ever.
On top of everything else going wrong, I developed a plethora of little voids.
But instead of fixing a void outright, I would often fix a void with another void, and then another void and another void, and now I have six instead of the one I began with.
The first void was emotional eating.
I have always loved food, I have always loved greasy food and sweet foods, and it doesn’t help that I love baking either. Pre-pandemic, I exercised a lot, so it was no problem, but during the pandemic I couldn’t exercise much from home, so I naturally developed health issues, which led to my doctors offering me a diet. It was a strict one, and it worked, but for the first time in my life, I couldn’t emotional eat anymore.
The second void was emotional shopping.
Thankfully I didn’t turn to emotional drinking, but I did turn to emotional shopping. This, paired with earning more, meant bad choices were made. Unnecessary clothes, earrings, shoes and bags and even books were bought and many were then decluttered or sold online soon after. I didn’t chase trends, I did worse, I chased the satisfaction of having many things.
The third void was emotional scrolling.
When the money ran out however, I turned to emotional scrolling. My screen time suddenly became thirty hours a week, or four hours a day. Now that might be so bad for you, but for me it was atrocious. Prior to this, my average was never higher than two hours a day. And yet, there I was scrolling all day on Instagram, which wasn’t so bad, but Tik Tok was awful. I started becoming a person who compared herself to others, a failure that even Tarot card readers couldn’t save, my clothes weren’t good enough, and neither was I as a person.
Thankfully, around this time I departed on a long holiday, and was momentarily distracted by pretty things in the world around me, and my screen time went down to barely an hour or two a day, mostly spent on Google maps and the Photos app.
However, with coming home, there was no more budget for shopping, and no more reason for the scrolling, I was weirdly happy. Despite both, I still managed to shop and scroll for hours and hours, wasting whole work days and the inspiration I came home with to more clothes and more social media.
Filling the voids
I realised slowly, that my one void had turned into three. I didn’t realise how much emotional eating was saving me from other vices, and how removing it had inadvertently made things much, much worse. So now, I needed to fix it.
But you cannot fill every void.
Stress, loneliness, boredom. These are the core voids that lead me to the little voids.
These core voids never go away. Think about it, stress is a lifelong thing, loneliness can find you even in a room full of people and boredom hits everyone, even a person who loves their job will get bored with it every now and again. So what do you do?
Here’s what I’m doing, first for one month then a version of this throughout the year. Noting there will be lapses here and there when things get too much, and that’s okay (we don’t try for perfection here).
Delete Tik Tok.
A cliche, but a necessary one. It’s a bad place. It’s still on my phone, but it’s been offloaded, and the time it takes to download has made it impossible to use. By the time you wait three minutes, you no longer want it.
Use social media limiters.
Most phones can shut off certain apps after a set amount of time. Each day I get one hour of Instagram, everyone I care about knows how to reach me outside the app.
Know what counts as social media to you.
I personally placed Tik Tok, Instagram and Youtube Shorts into social media. So Youtube, Instagram and Tik Tok are limited on my phone. Even though Youtube doesn’t count as a whole. Pinterest and Substack on my iPad and laptop don’t count, but on my phone they’re classed as ‘less bad’. A good option for waiting in lines or at the doctors.
Goodbye second screens.
As a human being who works in Film and Television, you think I wouldn't pick up my phone while watching the hard work of my peers, but I do. Because that’s what they want us to do, and that’s why quality has been decreasing, and new faces like me and my peers are being ignored. So it’s time to stop.
While working, I am limited to YouTube, podcasts or music only. With the screens minimised enough to barely matter.
Do something else.
When the urge to scroll hits, I have watercolour, paint by numbers, air dry clay and even lego on hand. I have sudoku and wordle activity books and that whole NY Times games thing if I have nothing else. I even uploaded colouring apps to my iPad if all else fails.
I also keep on hand a local yoga and meditation studio. If I feel myself getting into a funk, going and doing something mindful or if I’m super broke, just walking the dog is an option too.
Track the progress properly.
I have a habit tracker, to track how often I do the bad habits, in a cute app to make sure I know when things are skewing badly. Here I can also track the good habits, how little takeout I got, how little I picked up the phone first thing in the morning…and so forth.
I’m telling myself this is not for perfection, it’s for the science. To know what worked and what didn’t. To alter accordingly.
Stick to the budget.
On the shopping side, I have decided to train myself into better habits. I have a wish list of slightly higher quality items I want to invest in. Instead of buying six poor quality things, at the end of a month (given I do not buy things beforehand) I will have money set aside to buy one better thing for myself.
My budget now includes regular skincare and haircare purchases as well as birthdays and Christmas. With online shopping to be replaced with in-person shopping at charity shops first, before going to physical store. If all else fails, online purchases need to be in the cart for at least two days before purchasing.
Accountability matters.
Surprise! This is why I wrote this Substack and told a few friends. By putting it out there, I will feel an urge to not let you…total strangers down. But also I’ll be answerable to my friends if things go terribly wrong. Last year I did a post on updating you on the little voids I’m trying to fill and i’m likely to do it again, so keep an eye out, because I have a feeling its going to be a bumpy ride.
What do you think? Is it possible in this day and age to curb our consumption habits, whether it be food, social media or spending?
Recommended Reading:
The Key To Success Is Being an ‘It’ Girl Now? - on talent vs aesthetics.
When Do I Stop Improving and Live? - on constant improvement vs life.
In Pursuit of Deep Unseriousness - on living life happier with less stress.
Rubi, I commend you for your vulnerable honesty and effort to hold yourself accountable. Managing voids is never easy, let alone multiple voids. I hope you find a comfortable balance with everything.
Goshhh i relate to the emotional shopping so much 😭